Tricks of The Trade
by LadyStellaSkye
Summary: Something a little unorthodox, but effective, is always fun to experiment with. Lisbon stews in her thoughts of Patrick Jane, who seems to find endless amusement in her misery, emarrassment, and taste in cookies. Jisbon, with a touch of VanRigsby


Tricks of The Trade

She doesn't know how she ended up in such a dumb-ass situation, but now she's stuck. What situation exactly? Jane is the star magician in their little staged circus with Van Pelt as his "lovely assistant". They were all expecting him to ask Lisbon to be his assistant, including her. Now she's jealous, Rigsby's jealous, and Cho is... in an elephant costume.

Lisbon is sitting in the crowd beside Rigsby dressed in a skirt, heels, and tank top while he's in jeans and a button shirt. They're watching Jane and Van Pelt intently while they do their tricks. Instead of his normal three piece suit Jane is in a tuxedo with a fedora and cape! Van Pelt is beside him looking very pretty in a very glittery dress.

They're after a murderer who performed in multiple circuses, using it as a cover for how he poisoned his victims. Jane was certain that his reason was that he was terrorized by circus folk in his past. It's a long shot, but of coarse a Jane-Hunch, and thus a likely angle. Though not credible.

Now they're all stuck masquerading as participants in his little ring of mayhem. He's asking Grace to take the cover off of Cho's elephant guise. She does so, trying to smile and maintain her modesty in the tiny dress. Once Cho - inside the large suit - is revealed the audience roars at Jane's illusionary skills. Everyone except Lisbon and Rigsby. They're still very uncomfortable with the whole situation.

As Jane takes a bow and Van Pelt attempts to curtsey Cho ambles along to the outer ring, seemingly looking at the audience, but really looking for the man Jane described as the killer. No one really knows how Cho moves in that costume, but it was, of coarse, Jane's idea to put him in the Trojan-Hoarse-Asian-Elephant... thing.

"Lisbon," Cho's voice buzzes in her earpiece, along with everyone else's. "I think our guy is sitting two rows down from you and one seat over. He's wearing a blue baseball cap, red plaid shirt and jeans. He has brown hair and a beard."

"I see him. Ready to move on my-"

"Not yet." Jane cuts in with his usual apathetic tone. "Don't go yet."

"What, Jane?" Lisbon asks grumpily. "Why shouldn't we go yet?"

"He's going to come up to us after the show and ask us what our secret is. When I tell him it's a magician's secret he'll simply walk away–BUT he'll go straight to Cho's elephant cage and try to steal him with an excessively large truck."

"Jane, if you don't give me a better reason I'm going after him right now, heels and all." She responds with a bit of snark, crossing her legs just to emphasize her unhappiness.

"You should wear skirts more often–my reason is that I know that he'll be easier to catch if we surround him while he's in a vehicle." Jane murmurs.

Lisbon feels her face go hot and wishes no one noticed, but sadly they all have, leaving her to wallow in her humiliation. Again, she doesn't know how she ended up in such a dumb-ass situation. "Whatever. Fine, do as Jane the Magnificent says."

"Jane the Magnificent... _Patrick_ the Magnificent... I like it! Thanks, Lisbon!"

She creates a line between her brows and sighs. She would yell "bite me" if she could, but that would be very unprofessional. Almost as unprofessional as the skirt comment Jane made. Damn that man!

Sure enough they all see the man get up to applaud and start to make his way to the ring. He waves Jane over after his bow and asks him what his secret is.

"It's magician's code never to reveal our tricks, my friend." Lisbon hears him say teasingly, ever the frustrating super-hero. The costume he's wearing is actually the costume she made him as a present for getting his sight back those some months ago. "And don't try to get my lovely assistant here to tell either."

Lisbon notices Rigsby growl beside her, and tries not to smile or roll her eyes. She knows how fond the two are of each other, and it's only a matter of time before they break every regulation known to CBI kind. "There-there."

"Sorry, Boss." He grins sheepishly.

"Never mind." She shakes her head, not in the mood to be a team counselor at the moment. "Jane? Now??"

"Patience, Woman." He replies. She growls. "Wait for the codeword."

"What's the codeword?" Lisbon asks dryly, feeling she's speaking with a brazenly manipulative child.

"You'll know it when-"

"Jane!"

"Fine, it's Macaroon."

"Why macaroon?" She asks again, still greatly unamused.

"Don't you like them? No-no, of coarse you don't... you hate coconut. You're a straight up chocolate chip kind of girl." Jane chuckles.

Lisbon stews in her misery.

"I got 'im!"

She barrels into their suspect like a mother grizzly mauling a hunter. Her right arm will be considerably sore afterwards of coarse, but she can live with that. While they both roll on the ground after impact she touches two delicate fingers to her forehead. She feels blood. Great, she's scraped her forehead.

"Lisbon! Lisbon, are you alright?!" She hears Jane ask almost worriedly.

"I'm fine, Jane." She grunts. He helps her up. "Thanks."

"You're under arrest for the murders of... " Lisbon doesn't hear Cho finish reading off the list, as Jane's breath humming in ear overwhelms all other sounds.

"We should get this cleaned up." He says disparagingly, as though he's clocked her over the head with a candelabra himself. "I'm sorry. I really should have thought this through better."

"Me having to tackle our suspects has never stopped your crazy schemes before." She retorts.

"Yes, but you've never bled because of them before." He runs his thumb over the opening and blows on it. "Nothing serious."

"That's right." She takes his hands away from the cut with her own and smiles at him. "I'll be fine, Jane."

"Teresa." She's surprised. "I really don't like it when you get hurt."

The concern in his voice makes her heart speed up just that little bit more, and a blush creep into her cheeks. She hates it when he does that, but what can she do? Ask him to stop making her legs turn to jello and use the fact that she might like him more than she should for persuasion? There's a complex sentence for you, both verbally and symbolically.

"Patrick." She counters, seeing his surprise become just as evident as she's sure hers was. "Thank you. But I'm alright. Really."

He smiles, looks left and right, then sneaks a kiss to her forehead and winks.

Lisbon stews in her embarrassment.

"So, that went well." Lisbon starts, trying to sound casual.

"More or less." Jane concurs.

"Let me ask you something." She murmurs. He nods. "Why Van Pelt?"

"What?" He asks, seemingly genuinely surprised.

"Why did you pick Grace to be your assistant?" She asks again, still hushed.

"Hm, I knew you'd be jealous, I just didn't think it would take this long for you to accept it and confront me about it." Jane smirks.

"Jane." Lisbon warns.

"Fine. You want to know why I asked Grace and not you? If you were my assistant I'd be distracted the whole time." He all but whispers.

"Nice try–flattery will get you nowhere." She retorts.

"Really? I knew that if you were my assistant he wouldn't do what I told you he would - and did - do this evening. He'd come over, ask you to share your secrets, and when you refused he would try to kill you. Grace isn't his type–she's not tiny–petite, I mean, not mysterious, not dangerous looking–not in the least. He likes women who are a challenge, and I knew he wouldn't be attracted to Grace."

Lisbon knits her brows and tilts her head. "Seriously? How'd you figure what kind of woman he liked?"

"He's an alpha male with masculinity issues. He likes women who are a challenge and mysterious because they make him feel like the even more challenging and mysterious one. That is until they turn him down and he's back to inferiority-complex-town, making him angry and murderous." Jane spews in a mellow tone. "I wasn't taking that chance with you, Teresa."

Teresa pauses for a moment before answering. "Thank you for caring, Jane."

"Always." He smiles sincerely.

She smiles back. "So, Patrick, do you like macaroons, or chocolate chip?"

"Both, my dear." He points and swings his legs over the edge of his couch. "You know, there's this great little bakery down on the corner that makes both."

"Shall we?" She asks.

"We shall." He offers his arm and smiles. "So... our first date, huh?"

"Better make it worth my while." She shoots back smartly.

"Or what?" He asks, playing along with her dare.

"No goodnight kiss." Teresa winks, somewhat uncharacteristically.

"Well, I can't have that, then, can I?" Patrick takes her lips in his hurriedly. "Ha! Beat you to it! Now you have nothing else to bribe me with!"

"Oh, don't I?" She's being really un-Lisbon-y now, but to hell with it!

Patrick's face falls, then brightens, then falls again, then looks aghast.

"Didn't know I had it in me, did you?" She laughs softly.

"You never cease to amaze me, Teresa the Astonishing."

"It's about time I was able to surprise you, Patrick the Magnificent."

"What do you say we put Magnificent and Astonishing together to create something... magical?" He whispers in her ear, making her insides spark.

Lisbon stews in his love.


End file.
